OOPS...

By Ol’ Sam, U:M:, A/B, PS!
The Fifth Religious Erisian Disorganization

I dropped my Bob, and it broke!
Now what?

Well. It looks like the end of the world has once again failed to occur on schedule.

The biggest problem with spending your life awaiting the arrival of the Messiah, the Space Brothers, or even Santa Claus is that these entities have become notorious for missing Their appointments, leaving Their stockholders with egg on their faces and empty checkbooks.

With the bleak prospect of another long, dull incarnation here in the Region of Thud squatting before you, I can imagine how even shedding your meat-vessel might seem a better option than facing that future (or admitting what a sucker you’ve been), BUT...

Rather than gloat over the heartbreak of Premature Evacuation, I’d like to take this opportunity to shamelessly plug my favorite theological shordurpersav, Eris, Goddess of Chaos, Discord, Confusion, and Things We Know Not Of--a valuable addition to any fringe-dweller’s philosophical toy-box.

The Erisian ‘faith’ and the Church of the SubGenius both spring from the same fertile soil: the rich loam of bullshit that the professional belief-pushers have buried humanity in for far too long.

There are significant differences, (see Table 5) but I think that, generally, the two insane bogus belief-systems can operate in one mind in harmony, or at least a pleasant sort of discord.

 
The main reason I’m plugging Discordianism here is to attempt a little memetic engineering. As biologists tried to dampen the aggressive tendencies of killer bees by interbreeding them with calmer bees, I’m trying to deflect the ominously Nazi-like shift in recent SubGenius rhetoric by adding the goofy grace of Eris to the Hatred(tm) of the SubGenius.

When you divide the world up into ‘Us’ and ‘Them’, you usually discover that ‘Them’ has got ‘Us’ grossly outnumbered. Admittedly, this can be useful if you need an outside force to BLAME everything on, but the kind of paranoia this siege mentality produces is more trouble than the serenity of irresponsibility it gives you. Really, there’s only two types of people in the world--those who divide people into two types, and those wise enough to know better. I’m not either type, and you shouldn’t be, either! Why not be a Discordian, instead?

I’ll admit that a fervent hope (or hatred) can bring meaning to an otherwise dull and empty life, but instead of saving up all your sour apples for a pie-in-the-sky that may never even be half-baked, why not set about trying to make this Vale of Tears a slightly more tolerable plane of existence?

Let Eris into your Pineal Gland, and you can transform your life from a dull and ugly mess into a beautiful, splendid and joyous mess!

Do You Believe That?

Table 5 
COMPARATIVE RELIGION MADE EASY
Discordianism
 SubGenius
Mainly rips off Zen Buddhism and the Catholic Church.
 Mainly rips off Fundamentalist Christians and UFO cults.
Eris, Goddess of Chaos.
 JHVH-1, God of Wrath.
Preoccupied with accepting the world, as screwed up as it is.
 Preoccupied with hating the Pinks, as screwed up as they are.
Pointlessly complicated mystical rituals.
 Pointlessly complicated pseudo-scientific explanations.
One Goddess, entirely too many Saints.
 One Saint of Sales, entirely too many Gods.
Founded in, like, California, dude.
 Founded in TEXAS, Dammit!
Blames the Illuminati for everything bad.
 Blames the Conspiracy for everything bad.
Dedicated to Chaos, Discord, Confusion, and Things We Know Not Of.
 Dedicated to Slack. 
 
No hierarchy or central headquarters.
 PO Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214.
The Principia Discordia, and the Illuminatus! Trilogy.
 The Book of the SubGenius, and Revelation X.
Some lame-os, and a lot of good material.
 Some ‘Bobbies’, and a lot of good material.
Predicted Impending Doom in their Holey Book, but didn’t say exactly when.
 Oops! 
 


Why can't we all just get along?