Mouse Banishing Ritual

    by theoneflasehaddock

1. Chant "Eris, Goddess of Chaos, She what done it all, ... oh, never mind, I'll do it myself."
2. Burn a black candle, for a banishing, and/or a brown candle, for the rodents you intend to banish. Or do the ritual during daylight, that works to.
3. Chant "Rodents of my garage, I dig this hole to trap you, thank Goddess
   (and/or God - be specific if desired) that you cannot understand English. At
   least I hope you damned rodents can't understand English, and aren't bright
   enough to figure this out. But if you do, go along with it, or else I will
   have to get real mouse traps."
4. Dig a hole next to the entrance to the garage the rodents are believed to
   use. 
5. Put a bucket in it, so that the top is even with the ground.
6. Cover the bucket with twigs and leaves, or even better, a piece of paper
   with rocks holding it down so it won't blow away, but leave it loose enough
   it will collapse into the bucket if a rodent is on it.
7. Chant "Damned rodents, those which chew into my birdseed bags, those which
   infest my firewood, smell this peanut butter, fall into this bucket, so that
   soon, soon, I will be rid of ye."
8. Place peanut butter on paper or leaves.
9. Chant "O mighty Bucket of some hole in the ground, preferably with peanut
   butter, capture my rodents, but make sure they are rodents, in other words,
   don't catch me a SKUNK."
10. Hide the birdseed so the rodents don't eat it instead.
    leave, and remove the candles. Wait overnight.
11. Check for rodents periodically.
12. When a rodent is captured, lift the bucket out by the handle.
13. Walk a mile or more away, preferably into woods and not somebody else's
    yard, and empty the bucket.
14. While walking, chant "Damned mice, o ye that eats my birdseed, chews my
    garbage, infests my firewood, be gone from whence ye came, or at the very
    least stay out of my garage."
15. When emptying the bucket, don't drop the mouse on your foot.
16. Go back home, and repeat as necessary.